I can remember from a very young age seeing my grandmother shake uncontrollably, but never thinking anything of it because it was normal. It was a constant thing and she never let it stop her. I never dreamed I would have to deal with the shakes, but I recently started to shake myself. I didn't think much about it at first because I would only notice it when I hadn't eaten and was getting a little shaky, so I would just write it off to that. I am a supervisor for the worlds largest retailer so I spend a lot of time walking and performing customer service. The day that I noticed something was wrong was the day my daughter walked up behind me and hugged me and stopped mid hug. She spun me around and said "why are you shaking Momma?" I said " I'm not shaking"
She made me get a doctor's appointment for the next day and she started the journey with me to find out what was going on. The first appointment was with my PCP. She immediately referred me out to a Neurologist, who referred me for and MRI. When the MRI results came back, you could have knocked me over with a feather..... the scan showed that I had experienced a massive stroke in years past and that I had been experiencing several TIA's per year since the initial stroke. WHAT?!!! I have never had a stroke. I had bells palsy one time about 8 years ago, but I never had a stroke. No way. Not me!!!
The neurologist let me have my melt down and then asked me "so you say you experienced Bells Palsy?" ........
"Yes ma'am "
"Did you lose strength or use in one side of your body?"
"My right side was a little weak and the right side of my face was paralyzed for about a week, but I never had a stroke!"
She just sat there and looked at me while it all sank into my thick skull.... "Did I?"
She shook her head yes.
She asked if I ever experience migraines. The answer was usually only once or twice a year, but when I do have one, it zaps every ounce of strength I posess. She said "those are not migraines, they are TIA's, or mini strokes."
"WHAT?!!!"
I'm 46 years old. I have never had any major medical problems. I had both of my children completely natural, with no drugs. I worked 14 hour days with one day off per week, I am in stoppage in the energy and motivation department, or I was until about a year ago. A year ago I stopped going anywhere or communicating with anyone because they couldn't understand what I felt and what I was going through. I feel like my body is constantly vibrating at a very low level 24/7. Its absolutely infuriating. I twitch at any given time for no apparent reason. My hands shake like an alcoholic without a drink. I physically hurt all day every day. But I'm the only one working and paying for Bill's and insurance for myself and my husband, so I have no choice but to provide for us. If I don't, who will?
The constant shaking is exhausting both physically and mentally. The meds for the tremors cause me to swell and gain weight. I have absolutely zero desire to have sex with my husband of 25 years. I simply want to sleep and be left alone. I have grandchildren and I have my two girls and there are days when I don't want to see anyone for any reason. They all want to know what's wrong and i can't explain it. It's tough to keep going every day when all you want to do is lay down and sleep for the rest of your life. Just rest 24/7. You don't want to go shopping, or fishing or any of the things you used to love to do because you can't control your body anymore. I love to dance. I would dance anywhere anytime. Not anymore. I haven't been dancing or even out for a drink in over 2 years. My husband tells me that there is no reason other than that I am selfish to cause me to have zero sex drive. He makes me feel terrible about myself because I love him dearly. I just don't want sex at all. I can't be the only person in the world who feels this way. I can't be the only now 47 year old Tassy (grandmother) who suffers from tremors, crippling depression, and low labido? Can I ???
